A Fresh Look at An Old Problem
Welcome to ‘From Bullied to Brilliant’, a journey into overcoming and moving beyond bullying, abusive and challenging relationships.
The book addresses bullying in a rather unusual and unconventional way. You see, I’m not opposed to bullies or bullying, I’m opposed to the shame and blame we associate with the phenomenon of bullying for both the victim and the perpetrator. I’m opposed to the way bullying is portrayed as black and white, good and bad, right and wrong. The problem is at once more complex and yet, simpler. Bullies and victims are intertwined in a way that may surprise you.
To find out more, read my book, connect with me on social media, send me an email or explore the coaching options on this website. There are solutions and there are answers. We just need to be a little kinder to ourselves and each other…
In the meantime, if you feel lost in the story of victimhood and are struggling with a sense of isolation or rejection, let’s have a look at some of the fundamentals:
Bullying is an age-old, worldwide phenomenon and is NOT increasing.
People have been cruel, mean, abusive, agressive and unkind to each other throughout history. Our ability to identify and react to these behaviours is the key to ending or interrupting the cycle of bullying in our homes, workplaces and schools.
Bullying is not exclusive to schools but show up in our homes, families, workplaces, between cultures, races, creeds and ideologies. It is commonplace, can be confronting and deeply painful.
Avoiding exposure to bullying in some form during an average lifetime is nigh on impossible.
If you are feeling isolated or rejected as a result of bullying, you belong to a somewhat unwilling, but rather vast majority.
You are NOT alone! Many people experience bullying in their lifetime.
Only the wounded wound. Bullies always act out of fear or insecurity, whether they know it or not.
Unless you are their appointed counselor or have their direct permission, it is not your job to ‘heal’ the bully or show them the error of their ways.
The question you must never ask yourself is “Why am I being bullied?” or “What’s wrong with me?”
Some questions you should be asking yourself are “What do I need to do to resolve this problem?”, “who do I need to talk to?”, or “how can I get help?”
Mastering others is strength
Mastering yourself is true power
A multitude of admirable people throughout history have found themselves facing bullying, abuse and intimidation. Strategies to overcome bullying depend partly on the ability to accept that at times we will find ourselves under fire regardless of how ‘nice’ we are as a person or how well we treat others.
The world provides us with all kinds of experiences and a great measure of success or failure depends on our willingness and ability to respond effectively to the challenges we face. It is not what happens to us that defines us, it is how we respond.
Perhaps, like the processes of giving birth, running a marathon, passing important exams, learning a new skill or in fact any great achievement in life, bullying gives you an opportunity to face and overcome the challenge of not being supported, not being loved and not being understood.
Akin to a rite of passage, perhaps this very experience helps you to discover your own sense of self and move beyond the desire to please others.
Is it possible that bullying itself is paradoxically the very thing that causes a catalyst for personal growth and development? Does learning how to overcome and manage bullying actually make you stronger?
Nobody can hurt me without my permission
Why do bullies bully? Because they can.
You may not have control over whether or not a bully shows up in your life and you may never truly understand why they chose to bully you, but you certainly do have control over how you feel and what you do about it.
To receive negative, unwanted aggressive, derisory, unpleasant, or hurtful attention, is not an indication of your value or worth.
Perhaps this very attention is instead more an indication of your latent talents and the seeds of greatness that lie within you.
Maybe this is the reminder you need that you have the potential to differentiate and step into your own power.
Could it be the bullying will give you some space and time to figure out who you are and what you really want?
Perhaps the bullying is a gift.